Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

Monday Morning Feeling.

Are you going back to work in that office after weeks of home working? Why are you?

A month ago I started working from home. I have a waged job and working on studying to qualify as a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT). That course involved placement practice hours. Life was so busy and I only felt in downtime energy to avoid doing actual study until the deadline was starting at me from the week calendar. It didn’t quite because I had to check in with a colleague when deadlines with each deadline a shocking surprise.

I know we are in a World Wide Health Crisis and to have a job, and the ability to work from home is something I am grateful for. The only time I venture out is for exercise and necessary shopping for me and an older parent. It, therefore, seems very egotistical to mention that I feel content with my working from home at the moment. Euphoric almost!

Yes, my cat always wants attention just when I am in a video meeting. I hope she will look cute to the other side of the camera but, often she tries to sit or stroll across the keyboard, like a boardwalk on a summer night, which gets the attention. One thing I have learned as a lesson? raise your laptop onto a book or higher platform than the table. It won’t completely stop the video-bombing incidents; there will just be fewer of them as each time the books get more and my profile in the camera grows less.

The point of writing is my relationship reflection with the outside world. I don’t think of myself as an introvert. Or at least not totally! I’m like the month of my birth: June. A month of many seasons. Either sunny and warm or raining and nipple cold! That is life in the central belt of Scotland.

Because of confinement, lockdown or shelter-in-place as a shared global experience I have had the experience of engaging with more arts and culture-based engagement. My day is programmed around listening to the singer and performer Lou Doillon and her mother, the actress Jane Birkin, reading poetry. Or catching up with the Writer and performance artist Penny Arcade when she goes Facebook live, talking of the past and present artistic scene in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I’m not bored or alone, I feel I am in touch with whom and whoever I feel I wish to be. It is like a fantasy land of culture and creativity. Creating my day, within reason, how I want it to be.

Maybe this is my sanity but reflects my sadness at never having gone into the arts. It was a dream but never a reality.

When ‘Monday’ morning comes around, as inevitably it will, I will attempt not to grieve but see this as a special part of life. One in which I was spared from health issues and a time to reflect on how life can change, and be changed. Do I go back to the same routine or is this the time for a change?

For me, the area of distress is financial. Everyone knows I am approaching 40 with 5 years experience, and I can’t get by with a glance of a well-turned ankle accompanied by 40 hashtags. It would be my wit and wisdom that creates a cultural change. The nearer ‘Monday’ morning is the anxiety of returning to normal growth sits quietly in the corner of the mind. Is it the same for you?

It will be alright, I came up with a scene for a film in the style of French New Wave. I can’t write, direct or produce it but the setting is… wait, I shall impart it someday! Let us all just drink up what we can in terms of arts and culture before we end.

I pay myself to think. Youth Worker and former Gender Studies student now writing on LGBTQ culture, social spaces and gender.

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